Recent report looking at the experiences of people who are
estranged from family members and the challenges they face has highlighted the
particular difficulties associated with Christmas.
Family Estrangement in Adulthood, a
collaboration between the charity Stand Alone and the Centre
for Family
Research at the University of Cambridge, is the first in depth piece of UK
research on family estrangement. It examines the experiences of over 800 people
who self-identify as being estranged from their whole family or a key family
member, such as their mother, father, siblings or children.
Becca Bland, Chief Executive of Stand Alone, says:
"Family is a huge part of our individual and collective lives and an
unconditionally loving, supportive group of relations is idealised in society.
Yet this is not always attainable for those who are estranged from their family
or a family member. I'm sure this research will be challenging to read, but I'm
hopeful that as a society we have the strength to keep listening to people in
this position, with the view to eventually understanding why our adult family
relationships are not always as unconditionally close and supportive as we
might wish and imagine them to be."
The report provides an understanding of family estrangement
and its characteristics as well as detailing the challenges participants faced
when living without contact with family or a key family member. Common factors
that contribute to relationship breakdown with parents, siblings and children
include emotional abuse, clashes of personality and values, and mismatched
expectations about family roles and relationships.
However, estrangement does not necessarily mean there is no
contact between family members. A minority of respondents have minimal contact
with the person they are estranged from. Similarly, estrangements are not
always stable, and cycling in and out of estrangement is not uncommon. Those
who wished their estranged relationships could be different wanted a
relationship that was more positive, unconditionally loving, warm and
emotionally close.
Most often, respondents who were estranged from an adult
child reported that their daughter or son had cut contact with them. Of those
who had initiated estrangement from a parent, respondents had done so at
various ages, with most doing so in their late 20s and early 30s.
The report shows that the festive period is often the most
challenging time for those touched by family estrangement and can be a key time
of isolation and vulnerability, with 90% of respondents saying they found the
Christmas period a key time of challenge. Other challenging times were reported
as birthdays (85%), being around other families (81%) and the death of family
members (79%).
"Almost every estranged person finds Christmas the
hardest period," explains Dr Lucy Blake from the Centre for Family
Research. "There's a strong societal expectation of what a family looks
like. Social media plays a part too because it's a highlight reel of people's
family lives, with Facebook feeds filled with pictures of families celebrating
together. The reality doesn't always look like this, but people often find it
difficult to talk about that."
Stigma around the topic of family estrangement is also an
issue: two-thirds (68%) of respondents felt that there was stigma around the
topic of family estrangement and described feeling judged and feeling as if
they were contradicting societal expectations. One in four respondents had turned
to their GP for support but reported finding them not at all helpful.
However, not all experiences of estrangement were negative.
Around four out of five respondents felt there had been some positive outcomes
of their experiences of estrangement, such as greater feelings of freedom and
independence.
0 comments:
Post a Comment